If you and your spouse are divorcing after a long time together, navigating your relationship with their family can be a challenge. If you don’t have children, they may simply no longer be in your life – especially if they don’t live nearby.
If you do have children or even a shared social circle, business interests or church, you’ll likely need to continue your relationship in some form – at least with some of them. Regardless of the precise situation, here are a few things that can be helpful to think about.
Remain cordial
If you don’t have a friendly relationship with your in-laws, particularly after the break-up, it’s important to keep things civil when you have to see them. That’s especially true if you have children.
Don’t discuss your marriage or divorce
You don’t have to explain yourself or your decisions to them. Even if your spouse did a lot of things wrong that they don’t know about, it won’t help to speak negatively about them – even if you’re telling the truth. That holds true even if you have a former in-law with whom you continue to remain close and is sympathetic to your complaints. Assume that anything you say will make its way to other family members
Build your own support system
If you need to interact with difficult former in-laws, it can help to have a therapist, support group or just a strong circle of family and friends where you can share your true feelings. This can also help you come up with strategies to deal with them. Remember that if you have children, they’re always going to be in your life.
Consider adding a non-disparagement clause to your parenting plan
If you learn that any of your in-laws is speaking negatively about you to any of your children – or even in front of them – it’s important to inform your co-parent and ask them to try to put an end to it. If that doesn’t work, you may have to confront them yourself.
If necessary, you may need to add a “non-disparagement” clause to your parenting plan that encompasses family members so that each of you is responsible (as much as possible) for your own side of the family. Remember, your children’s well-being should take precedence over any residual animosity.
